Is there anybody in the UK who wants to join me in trying to lose weight and helping eachother? Just send me a message if you’re interested in trying together? I’m currently around 135lbs and wanting to be 126lbs, I’m 5’2” and I live in Manchester, in the UK if anyone wants to text and message to try and do it together, I need some motivation and help…
I’ve gained weight again… So I’ve not been trying hard (or at all) think I’ve got a case of the love chub! So, these past two weeks I’ve been all “yeah, I’ll lose weight” but now I think enough is bloody enough!! I’ve had enough of this, I’ve not gained loads of weight, but my skin’s not looking good, my body feels like shit, and I’ve just had enough of not feeling very good any more. It’s not that far from Summer now and I’m not going to be a fatty. I’m just not. All of my friends already look better than me and most of them are losing weight too, so I can’t be the fat friend, and the ugly friend, I can’t, I just won’t do it. I need to work hard, and stop being such a fucking idiot when it comes to food. Why can I not just have a normal, healthy relationship with eating. I need to be aware of what I’m doing to myself. I promised myself I’d not be 140lbs again, and I’m beginning to get close, so it’s time to work. Even when I lost weight I’ve never been toned, and I’ve never had a very nice body, so I need to do it this time, just for me really… Yeah, I really need to now… I need to work hard. I’ll do it, I know I can, I’ve done it before, and I want it, I really want it.
Okay, so right now I’m feeling pretty shitty about how I look, I just feel like I’m becoming a fatty… I don’t know, you see I know I’m being shit at diet and exercise, but for some reason I feel as though I’ve just lost all self control. This isn’t good. I need to get down to 130, I really do just feel shit. This 10lbs will make all of the difference to how I feel about how I look. I mean it this time. I’ve lost plenty of weight before, I can do it again. I just need to behave.
Update… February 2013
Okay, so its been a while… hello everyone
So, I’ve basically been a bit busy for tumblr recently, and I think I also at the moment need it less. You see tumblr used to be a nice (okay…so I don’t want to say escape) but basically, yeah, a escape. And now I just have less to escape from I suppose. So everything with me and Adam is perfect, he makes me really happy, and everything is so great. I just feel so marvellously in love, its pretty brilliant. We just have so much fun together, and I’m never bored or unhappy about anything when I’m with him. Everything with him is brilliant. I mean the sex is good (although at the moment I’m feeling a little insecure… I don’t think he’s going to cheat on me or something, I’m not insecure like that! I just mean I think that he’s not getting that much out of it…I’m working on it) and its his 18th birthday this week, which is exciting, and we’ve been going out for nearly 7 months now, he was my first kiss, our whole relationship has been beyond perfect. Yeah, but the thing I love the most about going out with him is when I’m just lay with him and then we’re just talking and he’s got his arms around me and I just would never want to be anywhere else. And then waking up to see him there, and to be able to kiss him. Knowing that when my parents are shit then I can call him and he’ll listen to me cry and he’ll hug me and kiss my hair and oh my god, he’s just the best. I don’t know how I could ever be this happy with anyone. Yeah, its just brilliant.
School is fine right now, we had AS level exams in January, so I get the results for those next Thursday, which is pretty bloody scary, I mean these are seriously important. I need 4 As, I basically need them. And then choosing what I want to do for uni right now, I mean its such a massive decision, I’m thinking chemistry or biomedical sciences, or something like that. I don’t want to be a medicine drop-out though, and I feel like that’s what those courses are… I’m not sure… And then at the moment school is going okay, I’m already shitting it a little bit for summer exams, which I’ve already started revising for. I can’t mess up and that’s that. It’s really important I do well.
And then my parents…hmmm….well I don’t know. Sometimes they’re alright, and sometimes I just can’t wait to leave.
And then my friends. Well that all seems okay right now, although I’m much more friends with Emma than Elizabeth right now, I don’t really know why, I just feel we;re not so much friends any more. We’ll see what happens with that, to be honest I can’t say I’ll be heartbroken if we end up drifting apart, like we’re friends, but I wouldn’t feel like I’m missing something without her.
My weight is going up, I’m gaining quite a lot of weight right now. Yeah, and it’s all my fault too, I’ve just been eating loads and I’ve been really shit. I’m starting to feel a bit fat right now, and so I need to watch it. I don’t know why I’ve started eating more. It might be the implant, or maybe its love-chub, or stress, or maybe boredom… I don’t know, but it’s just not good enough… So I’m working on it.
Okay, I think that’s my update complete. Let me know if you want anything. I think I’ll try to post an update at the end of each month if I don’t do it more often, even if just for myself. Xx
Adam told me that he loves me on saturday. It was literally perfect. He was crazy nervous and we were just lay next to eachother, we were naked and just talking to eachother and then he said it, I couldn’t stop smiling, I could barely stop enough to kiss him. I think that it meant a lot, he’s not the sort of guy to take that lightly. I really do love him though… I couldn’t be happier. He really is the most perfect boyfriend. I think that he’s incredible :) So happy!
So, I’ve been on holiday for what feels like forever, but has really only been 2 weeks. I missed New Years Eve with Adam and everything, but I’m going home tomorrow night, and I’m literally landing and then going to see him like 3 hours later… I’m so excited, it’s going to be great, literally just to see him will be fantastic! I can’t wait… Xxx
Realised today that Lizzie has “WHORE” written on her arm in scars, I mean I’d noticed before, I’d just never read it. I mean if you don’t want people to think you’re a whore then stop having sex with people you don’t really know! I don’t think that what she’s doing is really wrong, but she shouldn’t be getting a reputation…
Need to stay on track… I mean I need to, I’ve just been way too bad. I cannot continue to put on weight. I’m not happy with the way that I look right now… Not at all really.
Feeling pretty good at the moment, yeah, I think I’m doing okay. Although now that I’m here, I’m not so sure anymore… I don’t know.
Seriously this is getting stupid, I’ve lost literally all of my self control, I’ve put on weight since being in a relationship and there’s nothing I wanted less. I mean Adam is already lighter than me, it can’t get more obvious. I promised myself I wouldn’t gain any weight but here I am… And I know it’s all my fault. I’ve been eating tonnes of crap and barely going to the gym. This needs fixing and right now. I really mean it. It’s getting to a point where if I don’t lose this weight my clothes are going to stop fitting me… My school skirt is already tighter… fucking hell.
So this evening my mum just got really drunk and was talking about how her and my dad aren’t doing so well. Basically it just really started to get me down. I don’t know how to deal with them anymore. My mum always gives my sisters a great time and she’s loads of fun and she’ll go and make chips at 10pm or make pancakes at 6.30am. But I always get the shit side of it… Anyways, yeah, I was really upset, so I called Adam. I literally spoke to him for about 5 minutes, and we didn’t even talk about my parents but he genuinely always makes me feel better. Yeah, I feel better now, I can’t believe how great he is… I feel like I could talk to him for days and never get bored of him. I’m going to bed much happier than I would’ve if he wasn’t there, he has no idea how much those 5 minutes helped.
So my weightloss is not going well at the moment, I have put on quite a bit of weight, and so far I still haven’t reached my goal of 130lbs, so I need to sort this out, and get losing, I just can’t keep putting it on… seriously though. So yeah, working on that atm… X
I told my mum that me and Adam have had sex, and I also told her about the implant, and it actually went really well. She says she doesn’t encourage it, but that she’s happy that I’m happy and I’m growing up and there were tears from her and me, but it was all really good. I am glad that I’m not hiding it from her anymore and that I don’t have to keep it from her and she knows that I’m being sensible and I’m not an idiot. But yeah, everything’s great with Adam, and I’m just really really happy. Yeah, it’s all going pretty well :) Wow, yeah, the sex is pretty fab, he is great, our families met eachother and they like eachother, he’s literally the nicest guy I think I’ve ever met. I pretty much can’t think of anything about him I dislike. Yeah, he’s pretty brilliant. I just don’t know why we would break up, I know obviously that’s how everyone feels and its a naive approach, but from now until he goes to Uni, next September, I really do see us staying together. It’s going really well. Yeah, I’m just so happy :)
My weekend so far…
Yesterday Sally, Emma’s sister and I ended up staying up together drinking and having the biggest heart to heart. It was actually really nice. She’s just so fucked up. To be honest I can barely believe it really, because I thought that she wasn’t even that bad, not any more at least. There’s nothing I want more than to help her, but there’s nothing I know how to do. Fucking hell though, it is bad. She’s going through so much shit, and she doesn’t know how to help herself. I don’t know what to say or do. We ended up getting so drunk, we both threw up, and at one point I just suddenly had no knickers on… not sure why…
Yeah, and Lizzie came over, she ate so fucking much, and she purged at least 3/4 times. Like what the fuck do I do? I can’t tell her no, and I can’t tell her not to eat in the first place. Fuck. I hate that so much, because I really have no idea what I’m doing.
Then this evening Adam came over, fucking hell, every time I see him I like him even more than the last time. He’s just so fucking perfect. I literally cannot think of a single thing about him I don’t like. I just, fucking hell, like him so much. I can’t help myself from being happy when I’m with him. I can be like on the verge of tears and I know that if he’s there I’m fine. My mum was being an absolute pain today, the first time that he’s seen that. But he was just like “Are you okay” and he hugged me and stroked my hair and kissed my forehead, he’s just so perfect. He literally just makes me happy, makes it all okay. I don’t know how I was ever okay without him, or how I’ll ever be okay without him again… I’ve fallen head over heels guys. Fucking hell. I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m going to ruin this, aren’t I? I’d better not… Yeah, so then my mum asked if he wanted to stay over for the night, and he basically said no, and then called a taxi at like 9.30 and went home. So, that’s alright I suppose, but yeah, I don’t know… It’s okay. I’m going to his tomorrow because he has a free house, so that should be good… It should be really good to be honest. But I was expecting to go round in the day, and he was like so do you want to come over at about 7? But he’ll be doing work and stuff, and I cannot be a really needy girlfriend. I do really really like him. Yeah, it’s all going well right now. Yeah, so we’ll see how tomorrow goes… Oh my god though, I just cannot believe how brilliant he is… Like I say, head over heels.
