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Okay, so its been a while… hello everyone
So, I’ve basically been a bit busy for tumblr recently, and I think I also at the moment need it less. You see tumblr used to be a nice (okay…so I don’t want to say escape) but basically, yeah, a escape. And now I just have less to escape from I suppose. So everything with me and Adam is perfect, he makes me really happy, and everything is so great. I just feel so marvellously in love, its pretty brilliant. We just have so much fun together, and I’m never bored or unhappy about anything when I’m with him. Everything with him is brilliant. I mean the sex is good (although at the moment I’m feeling a little insecure… I don’t think he’s going to cheat on me or something, I’m not insecure like that! I just mean I think that he’s not getting that much out of it…I’m working on it) and its his 18th birthday this week, which is exciting, and we’ve been going out for nearly 7 months now, he was my first kiss, our whole relationship has been beyond perfect. Yeah, but the thing I love the most about going out with him is when I’m just lay with him and then we’re just talking and he’s got his arms around me and I just would never want to be anywhere else. And then waking up to see him there, and to be able to kiss him. Knowing that when my parents are shit then I can call him and he’ll listen to me cry and he’ll hug me and kiss my hair and oh my god, he’s just the best. I don’t know how I could ever be this happy with anyone. Yeah, its just brilliant.
School is fine right now, we had AS level exams in January, so I get the results for those next Thursday, which is pretty bloody scary, I mean these are seriously important. I need 4 As, I basically need them. And then choosing what I want to do for uni right now, I mean its such a massive decision, I’m thinking chemistry or biomedical sciences, or something like that. I don’t want to be a medicine drop-out though, and I feel like that’s what those courses are… I’m not sure… And then at the moment school is going okay, I’m already shitting it a little bit for summer exams, which I’ve already started revising for. I can’t mess up and that’s that. It’s really important I do well.
And then my parents…hmmm….well I don’t know. Sometimes they’re alright, and sometimes I just can’t wait to leave.
And then my friends. Well that all seems okay right now, although I’m much more friends with Emma than Elizabeth right now, I don’t really know why, I just feel we;re not so much friends any more. We’ll see what happens with that, to be honest I can’t say I’ll be heartbroken if we end up drifting apart, like we’re friends, but I wouldn’t feel like I’m missing something without her.
My weight is going up, I’m gaining quite a lot of weight right now. Yeah, and it’s all my fault too, I’ve just been eating loads and I’ve been really shit. I’m starting to feel a bit fat right now, and so I need to watch it. I don’t know why I’ve started eating more. It might be the implant, or maybe its love-chub, or stress, or maybe boredom… I don’t know, but it’s just not good enough… So I’m working on it.
Okay, I think that’s my update complete. Let me know if you want anything. I think I’ll try to post an update at the end of each month if I don’t do it more often, even if just for myself. Xx
Yesterday Sally, Emma’s sister and I ended up staying up together drinking and having the biggest heart to heart. It was actually really nice. She’s just so fucked up. To be honest I can barely believe it really, because I thought that she wasn’t even that bad, not any more at least. There’s nothing I want more than to help her, but there’s nothing I know how to do. Fucking hell though, it is bad. She’s going through so much shit, and she doesn’t know how to help herself. I don’t know what to say or do. We ended up getting so drunk, we both threw up, and at one point I just suddenly had no knickers on… not sure why…
Yeah, and Lizzie came over, she ate so fucking much, and she purged at least 3/4 times. Like what the fuck do I do? I can’t tell her no, and I can’t tell her not to eat in the first place. Fuck. I hate that so much, because I really have no idea what I’m doing.
Then this evening Adam came over, fucking hell, every time I see him I like him even more than the last time. He’s just so fucking perfect. I literally cannot think of a single thing about him I don’t like. I just, fucking hell, like him so much. I can’t help myself from being happy when I’m with him. I can be like on the verge of tears and I know that if he’s there I’m fine. My mum was being an absolute pain today, the first time that he’s seen that. But he was just like “Are you okay” and he hugged me and stroked my hair and kissed my forehead, he’s just so perfect. He literally just makes me happy, makes it all okay. I don’t know how I was ever okay without him, or how I’ll ever be okay without him again… I’ve fallen head over heels guys. Fucking hell. I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m going to ruin this, aren’t I? I’d better not… Yeah, so then my mum asked if he wanted to stay over for the night, and he basically said no, and then called a taxi at like 9.30 and went home. So, that’s alright I suppose, but yeah, I don’t know… It’s okay. I’m going to his tomorrow because he has a free house, so that should be good… It should be really good to be honest. But I was expecting to go round in the day, and he was like so do you want to come over at about 7? But he’ll be doing work and stuff, and I cannot be a really needy girlfriend. I do really really like him. Yeah, it’s all going well right now. Yeah, so we’ll see how tomorrow goes… Oh my god though, I just cannot believe how brilliant he is… Like I say, head over heels.
My friend Emma and my boyfriend, Adam, are family friends, it’s how I met him actually, so I spent Friday afternoon with him, bit of afterschool sexy time then Friday night with Emma, at hers, baking and stuff. Saturday morning I did some work, but had a very nice morning. Then we went to Adam’s in the afternoon which was actually so great, I had a really good time. I mean why wouldn’t I? I love Adam’s family and Emma’s too, so that was the afternoon and evening. Then it got to 9ish and then Emma’s family left the house, and me and Adam headed off to a party, Rosie’s, one of his friends, who I have a class with in school, and all of their friends, who I semi-knew. Anyways, so it was such a good time, and we played drinking games, ring of fire, and people got so wasted. And then because me and Adam ended up getting there later than other people, we were pretty sober, in comparison, and we were partially in charge of looking after people. But oh my god, I had so much fun. I had never really liked the crew before but I really do like them now, yeah, I had a fab time! Then it got to like 2.30am and we were all so tired. So me and Adam got the sofa bed, with a strict no sex rule (which we listened to obviously) but we were both in our underwear and just so comfortable and I just lay next to him all night, and it was so nice, and warm and just made me feel happy, like there was no reason to worry about all of the things which make me worried, like he just fixes everything while he’s around. Everything about him makes me happy. Literally though, like I just can’t think of any reason to dislike him. He just makes me feel so great, and he just is so great. Yeah, fucking hell, I really like him. I think I’m a little worried I like him more than he likes me if I’m honest. We were then all kicked out of the house early this morning, so I went back to his and we had breakfast and sex, and then I went home. And then my parents had their friends, who I like, over, and that was a lovely evening. So all round a fantastic weekend! Yeah, I had the best time with Adam. Fucking hell. Yeah, I really like him…He’s just so brilliant, I honestly don’t think there’s anyone in the whole world who dislikes him. So fucking glad that I actually went out with him, I wasn’t 100% convinced to begin with… But yeah, he’s just a great boyfriend. Absolutely fantastic.
Well, my non existent weight loss at least. Basically, I’ve not lost ANY weight since the beginning of the summer holiday, in about June, so we’re talking stationary for 4 months. I mean I’ve gone up and down in that time, but no real change. The thing is that I am a little smaller now than I was then, but not very much. I mean my ugw is currently like 10lbs away, and I really do want to reach it at some point. So, recently both Emma and Lizzie have said that they don’t really want me to lose too much more, that they were both like you look really good at the moment, and if you then lose a lot more weight then you just won’t look like yourself any more, you know? Well, that’s fine, but it’s their opinion and it’s not really that important to me, I mean, it is, but what I think clearly means more. I think that at the moment, I do look pretty good, I look okay, just not quite enough, I look fine, but I want to be a head turner, you know? I want to look really good. Then Adam, see he clearly thinks I look good and when I’m around him I feel good too. I just don’t feel like anyone would find me sexy, I want to be clearly the best option. Does that make any sense at all? Yeah, so right now I feel good most of the time, but I have too many days where I feel fat, I never have enough options when it comes to choosing and buying clothes, I’m just not there right now. I want to have less days where I feel fat and more when I feel sexy.
I’m so close now, I’ve lost 25lbs, another 10 should be fine. I want to follow the 6 weeks to OMG plan, and hopefully it will go well, and in 6 weeks I’ll be exactly where I want to be… Yeah, I’ve had enough of this plateau, and I’ve been really shit the past few months, and I refuse to be one of those people who put on 10lbs as soon as they get a boyfriend. I can’t do that. Because then I’d be like a stone heavier than him, and I can’t have that! Yeah, I’ve realised how much I want it, and how much I’ve been throwing it away for ice cream and crisps and chocolate buttons. I can’t just keep doing that! Wish me luck!