Mymum is such a fucking serial bitch sometimes, she's ridiculously stubborn, and I swear she makes me want to die sometimes. You know what, she was the reason why I wanted to kill myself, I didn't feel like she loved me, she's selfish, there's no questioning that what she does is selfish. And I'm the only one who gets her crap, my sisters get the fun of a drunk mother, the games, and staying up late, and missing school. I get all of the crap. The mood swings, and the self loathing, the anger is put upon me, the late nights of trying to put my sisters to bed, but nothing having them listen to me because "you're not my mum" I get the days of missed school because I don't want to leave in fear of what she might do to herself, and having to explain myself to school, and some uncaring bitches who are simply there because they don't like the statistics. Who knows how many times I will have to explain my shitty attendance. My sisters don't care, my mum doesn't really give a crap about me at all, and every apology she's ever said or I've ever said means nothing, because it's all forgotten in the morning, and the next week it is more of the same old crap. I have wished before now, that there was something "wrong" with me, that I wasn't so good at seeming so together, because I want my mother to pay for what she's done to me, on the inside, I want her to realise what she's done. I sometimes wish I was strong enough to self harm, that I was brave enough to kill myself. That I was anorexic, not because I want the side effects of being deathly skinny, but because I want for someone to realise that I'm not okay. I'm not fucking fine. But everybody takes fine as an answer anyway, whether they believe it or not. I feel more alone right now, than I have done in ages.